Different Now

I find myself constantly frustrated with my inability to blog. I was going for a solid year with four posts a week and I was really happy with that. It was challenging, but also rewarding to be so consistent, and it’s aggravating that I can’t seem to get back into any sort of system.

When I started concentrating on blogging was when I was in Berlin. That was the most exhausting four weeks of my life, and yet I made the time to blog. How is it that now – with days I don’t even leave my apartment – I find myself unable to create content? While I was trying to fall asleep the answer came to me.

It’s simple really. I’m a different person now. And I process things differently now. For whatever reason, I didn’t even have a journal that summer, whereas now I’m filling reams of pages with thoughts, feelings, ideas, and priorities.

That summer I needed the space my blog provided to sort thought my emotions. I was surrounded by people constantly, and desperately needed the space of writing regardless of weather anyone was listening. When I returned home I continued blogging because I had found a stress release.

Last fall things changed. I was once again surrounded by people and this time I was constantly working off a to do list that stretched from Labor Day to Christmas, but blogging didn’t feel safe anymore. I was afraid of someone I worked with finding my blog and taking offense to something I revealed without realizing my mistake.

This isn’t an announcement that I am going to stop blogging or even that I want to. I just need to spend some time looking at what blogging is going to look like now. I’m in a different place now than I was when I started this blog. So subsequently, my blog content is going to be different too.

And that’s okay.

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