I Want to Write…

Lately I keep trying to come up with topics to write about here, but stopping myself from even beginning. How can I write about this new phase of life when I so clearly don’t know the rules yet?

I want to write about my internships about how the executives and partners might know my name. About how actors I recognize will wander in while I’m assembling a chair in the bullpen and I see internet stars on my lunch break.

I want to write about riding a scooter in LA. About how I’ve learned to lane split while the long line of cars is waiting for the light to turn green. How I can park ANYWHERE and it only takes $3 to fill up my gas tank.

I want to write about going to swanky parties where fancy cocktails are a part of the gig and I can squint and see the back of Mel Gibson’s head. About getting a little bit tipsy and stopping for tacos at 1am on the way home.

I want to write about whirlwind trips to San Francisco. About Japantown kareokee and bad turkey burgers and not having to look up directions because I remember exactly where the bus lines lead. About waking up in my own bed to fancy french toast and surprising old youth group leaders with my presence.

I want to write about how buying a Kindle has probably tripled the amount of reading I’ve been doing. About how I am devouring a steady diet of YA books finished in single days.

I want to write about the experience of writing a NaNoWriMo novel amist all of this chaos.

But… (and there is always a but)

…what is the statute of limitations on writing about virtual strangers who are in the realm of well know? How do I write about the day to day lives of people who have an IMDb page? I don’t need or want to name names, but what if I write about someone and they then find it and don’t like what I say about them?

…I don’t know that three months of riding is enough experience to write about and even as I make plans to never get a car I can’t help but wonder how that will sustain though the years. Then I think about traffic and start an internal hate-rant.

…what is the policy on publishing things on the internet on famous people? I’m not sure. I don’t want to offend. I mean no harm.

…what is there to say about San Francisco that I haven’t already expressed? How do I convey both a trip with friends and a visit to see family in one sentiment when there were two different halves to it.

…this dependence is a shade embarrassing for a 22-year-old. Why am I up until 2am reading books meant for 13-year-olds?

…I’m not even sure I’m writing a NaNo novel anymore I’m so far behind.

This new life has new constrictions, a lot of which I haven’t quite figured out yet. I’m not sure where to draw the lines and what those lines are made up of. When I started blogging there was no fear of backlash, no worry of my words coming back to haunt me, but now… what if someone finds this and uses it against me? What defense do I have?

I guess the question becomes: How do I move forward with this blog and share my experiences without accidentally rubbing someone the wrong way?  Perhaps the question I should be asking is: Who do I value more, my blog readers who I want to be honest with or the people I meet in real life who judge me based on that vulnerability?

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A Letter to My Future Self

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This time last year I was in such a different place that I can barely even picture myself. I had a normal, college schedule. I was working for Frequency TV and starting to plan out the semester’s worth of web series episodes. I was filling out applications for study abroad. I was spending long nights in with television and long Sundays with friends from church. I suppose some things don’t change.

Since my life right now would be hardly recognizable by my former self, I want to preserve where I’m at for my future self to remember better. I suppose this is a letter to myself in a way. A letter to my future self so that I can remember where I was and look back to see how far I’ve come a year from now. Perhaps more.

Dear Future Self,

This week in the first week of school. School is a loose interpretation of what’s started this week after labor day, the week after Terra Nova (was it as good the second time?). This week you started two internships in Hollywood and Beverly Hills.

The Hollywood office feels official and real. The Beverly Hills office feels glamorous and exotic simply because of it’s location. This is your life. You are really working, really living, and really existing in part in this industry. And I hope that’s still true. Plans for these two internships include working hard and finishing my final semester strong.

Meanwhile, you’ve also been starting to meet with your old class – Drama writing, SiLA – weekly. Not that you’ve got anything to show for yourself yet, but it’s a work in process. Writing hasn’t been coming easily lately, but you’re hoping that a more solid schedule with school will help that along. Or it will hinder it, it’s hard to know right yet.

You’ve been blogging fairly consistently for the past year. It’s been a great system without really putting much of a system in place at all. July and August were harder months, but you seem to be back for September…. for the most part.

Every day is a choice to either write or not write. Unfortunately, lately the choice has been not. It’s not that you don’t want to, it’s just a choice that you seem to be making unconsciously. Focus. I believe that it can happen and that means that you much believe too. Pray about it. Never stop praying.

Speaking of prayer, this month you are set to join the church you’ve been going to in LA. You’ve been going to MOSAIC since Easter, and from then to now you’ve joined two community groups (one neighborhood, one college), gone on two retreats (SHE retreat and Terra Nova), and have been attending the early evening service and the mid-week service. They’ve just begun a weekly Wednesday gathering.

The community there is fantastic. Lean on them when you’re uncertain. Grow into those relationships. I hope you have already, but always lean in. Lean into your MOSAIC community and the old Columbia friends in whatever way possible. Go play Ultimate Frisbee. Because you haven’t been to a yoga class since you left San Francisco and it’s starting to show. Because what you really need is a good session at the climbing gym, but no one seems interested. Because living alone can be great, but also isolating.

In fact, I don’t even know that you live alone still. You do now. With a tiny studio apartment and no air conditioning. It’s a love/hate thing. Perhaps you are settled now into a house with four roommates. An apartment with one. Or still the same, ever the same. Whatever it is, right now you are living alone and for the most part that is a good thing. All the mess is yours and there’s no one to tell you to clean it.

You have been using a scooter to get around. It’s a wonderful thing. The time that’s lost in speed (not much) is gained back by squeezing between cars while they wait at a stop light. Your scooter seems a bit rickety sometimes, but it gets the job done. Once or twice a week you park it at the pump closest to the convenience store, pay two dollars in cash, and fill the entire tank. You don’t think that will ever get old.

I hope you are still living, working, and thriving in Los Angeles.  It wasn’t quite what you had been imagining, but it seems that God’s imagination is better than yours.  Go where he leads you, always say in reply, “Here I am Lord, send me.”

Here is what you were, and here’s to whatever you’ve become.

Much love, and God Bless,
Your Former Self

This Will Be: September 2013

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September is my favorite month. Probably because it’s my birthday month. And TV premiere month. And Emmy month. And the beginning of school month. And the beginning of jacket weather (well, in normal climates). Gah, I just love September so much.

Things that will happen this month include a few things that were teed up in August that will come full circle in September. In September I will become a member of the church I’ve been going to. I will be starting my final semester in college, despite being hundreds of miles away from the college I’ll be attending. And of course, this month, I’ll be going on a camping trip that I am in the process of planning.

I constantly seem to be forgetting my word for the year, fearless. I realize that what I need to do is set an even more specific goal each month within the larger goal for the year. September will be to set fearlessness. That sounds a little bit odd, but looking at what I want for this month my goals seem to mostly be to set more goals. Is that silly? Maybe.

But it’s also really timely for me. The beginning of the school year always seemed like a more logical time for me to set goals then at the beginning of the calendar year. Coupled with my birthday, setting goals is the perfect goal for me this month. A month of goal setting and routine making.

Some routine setting goals include washing the dishes, making my bed, and doing quiet time every day. I’d like to go to the library once a week. Coincidentally, DVDs can be checked out for only a week, so if I get one DVD every time I’ll be all set to come in every week. I will also have a lot of scheduling to do once I get my syllabus’ for my classes (syllabi?).

I am also going to spend some time out of the next two weeks coming up with goals for being 22. It seems that the new year is the time to set specific goals for the year, and my birthday is a time to set intentions for the year. I’ll use this time as a way to check in with myself on my calendar year goals as well as ponder what I’ll be doing with myself a year from now.

What are your plans for September?  Any big goals you’re got in mind for the month?

This Has Been: August 2013

I can’t remember the last time I was so productive during the month of August. Really. It’s been a long time. Usually August is just a throwaway month, but this year it’s been fantastic. And hot, but like I said the other day, I’m dealing with it. A few favorites from this month:

The beginning of the apartment tour
I got and lost a kitten
I talked about how second screening is awesome
A summary of summer
My TV list for the summer

Now, to tackle my crazy long to do list for August. I’m glad to say that I did pretty much all get everything done, and then some. Besides the planned things, I also got a fantastic new haircut, hosted my sister and one of my best friends, and started to keep much better track of my finances then I ever have before.

The big two, the ones that really needed doing were getting myself a mode of transportation and an internship, both of which I now have. I got a scooter mid-way through the month, and as of Monday this week it’s registered in my name. I’m going to hold off on information about my internship, but I do have one and will be starting next week when the school semester officially begins. I also have a lead on a second, but I’m still waiting to see how that pans out.

I got started on all the things I wanted to this month, some of them wont fully pan out until next month. For example, the writers group I started is full of people who went out of town for the last week or so. We met a few times, but we’ll kick off once everyone gets back with a writer’s lock-in. I set up a facebook group for a camping trip and in talking to people who want to go we decided to wait until it’s a bit cooler in September. I also attended all the sessions to become a member of the church I’ve been attending, but wont be confirmed until next month.

I’m going to call both networking and yoga studio finding a draw. I went to a few networking events, but not a ton. I mostly networked and grew friendships that already exist. I kept my eyes peeled for yoga studios and found a few that I wanted to try, but didn’t get the chance to actually try them. Not a complete failure, but not quite what I had in mind.

Overall I’m really happy with how things went this month, and I’m even more excited to get started on next month, but that’s a post I’ll leave till next week.

How was your August?  Anything exciting happen?

Writing About Writing (week of July 29)

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They say if you want to be good at something you need to practice every day.  I started Writing About Writing as a way of keeping myself accountable for how much I was writing outside of my school work.  Everything counts.  Emails, journals, scripts, blogging, even excessive tweeting.
Over time this space has become a way of keeping track of weekly goals in other areas of my life as well as writing.  A statement of what I’ve done, and what I want to do.  A weekly record of my successes and failures, for better or for worse.

Monday: journal (2)
school – pitch
blog – WAW
Tuesday:journal (2)
blog – writing your way up
blog – Will Be
Wednesday: school – pitch change
Thursday: nothing
Friday: nothing
Saturday: journal (3)
school – IP bible final edits
Sunday: journal (2)
blog – this post
blog – apartment tour

Last week I wanted to – and did – focus almost solely on pitching and finishing off the last week of school strong.  All told my class pitched our individual ideas six times to six different production/media/game companies.  It was really insightful and I came out of it with a few contacts to follow up on in finding internships and possibly jobs down the line.  We’ll see how it goes.

Since I’m finished with school this week I have a lot of unscheduled time on my hands, but also a lot of things planned.  For one thing, I’ve got a few interviews next week to jump start my internship searching process.  Meanwhile, I’m having people over this week to discuss starting a writer’s group with my class from the Spring.  I also want to step it up on the blogging front.  I have ideas for most of August, and want to start out strong, writing out as many of them as possible.

I’m also having a few visitors this week.  My friend Allason is coming for a few days, and my sister is coming next weekend.  Thankfully I spent most of this past weekend organizing my apartment so there will be space for people.

Writing About Writing (week of June 24)

They say if you want to be good at something you need to practice every day.  I started Writing About Writing as a way of keeping myself accountable for how much I was writing outside of my school work.  Everything counts.  Emails, journals, scripts, blogging, even excessive tweeting.
Over time this space has become a way of keeping track of weekly goals in other areas of my life as well as writing.  A statement of what I’ve done, and what I want to do.  A weekly record of my successes and failures, for better or for worse.

Monday: blog – superheroes
blog – has been
blog – TV page update
Tuesday:journal (3)
blog – apartment tour
blog – will be
blog – summer break
Wednesday: journal (2)
Thursday:  nothing
Friday: journal (2)
blog – this post
Saturday: journal (5)
blog – Living Proof
Sunday: journal (1)
blog – dollhouse (edit)
blog – the beaten path

If I’m remembering correctly I said last week hat I wanted to re-visit old scripts and plot out the entirety of July and establish a routine for the rest of my life.  Talk about some lofty goals.  Lofty and laughable!  I did no re-visiting of old scripts.  Pah!  And routine?  Please.  I managed to get up and out of the house every day, but I’ll put that more on the fact that I rented a car to do runs and errands before  school started.  The only routine I set was excessive visits to Target.

On that note, I have the apartment in near working order.  Still no internet access, but I’m rocking the cafe, and I don’t even mind the quiet at home.  I just set up the TV and a new blue-ray player because I found a copy of The Newsroom.  I’m a zip through season 1 of that real quick before I get internet at which point I will renew my watch-through of Fringe.  Speaking of Fringe, I made a video trying to explain season 1.  Let me know how that went.

(Also, since I posted that video yesterday I think it technically means that I achieved the goal of posting two videos in June.  Barely, but I did.  What does this mean?  Not much really, but I’m pretty excited about it.)

I was able to set up the next week and a half of blog posts pretty well, and I have a solid editorial calendar planned for the rest of the month.  Get pumped guys, cause I am.  This month is going to be awesome.

As I’ve been saying so often for the past few weeks I’m starting classes again this week.  I’m wildly excited about this.  I told a friend of mine how excited I was and she looked at me like I was crazy.  Apparently it’s abnormal to be excited about school.  So yeah, school.  Don’t quite know what that’s going to bring writing-wise, still in day one.  Okay, I’ll stop talking about it.

I do have other goals for this week though.  On Monday I’m meeting up with a friend to talk about social media management for her jewelry design company, and I just got an email from a woman I met on a retreat last weekend about doing a similar thing with her new blog.  I’m excited to see where these meeting go and what I learn from them.  I guess the ‘goal’ in this is to plan something for these meetings in a way that the awesome ladies I’m working with can get something out of them.  Also to see if this is something I enjoy and would like to do more pointedly in the future.

Also, it’d be nice to have internet access at home at some point this month.  Well.  Maybe.  I’m more worried about missing my summer TV.  #nerd

What are your plans for this week?  Any big goals met last week?

New Approach

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My word lately seems to be focus. I’m so worked up in the questions of what do I want to focus on, and how I want to focus my time. And my biggest focus this month has been this blog and this space.  Figuring out in more solid terms what I want from it and what purpose it serves.

I started this blog without a plan. In a lot of ways I’m still not sure if I have a plan. This month one of my goals was to come up with one. It quickly became clear that my plan needed to start with more focus on what I wanted the blog to be for myself and for my readers. With a little help* I set off refining my “About” page, which has redefined how I go about creating content for my blog.

I want this blog to be a place where I can share my story, but also a place where I can encourage others to share their story. That said, while I will continue to post my Writing About Writing Mondays and my monthly goals and reviews, I want to turn more of my focus outwards for other reoccurring topics.

One of these topics will be cooking and how to get around the kitchen. I’ll be posting monthly under the title “And the Kitchen Sink” about cooking and baking, tools and recipes. I have a handful of ideas to start out, and I’d love to hear your ideas of what kitchen/cooking related things you’re curious about. I thinking working in the kitchen teaches us so much and I want to share that passion in a way that is accessible to others.

For now I’ll be sticking to four days a week of posting, Monday through Thursday at 10am PST. The only set formulas are Writing About Writing on Monday and media-related on Wednesday, after that I’ll set reoccurring topics (Kitchen Sink, What I’m Reading, and monthly reviews) and fill in the blanks with events, ideas, and other goings on. I’ve created pages for each of the reoccurring topics I’ll be covering, which you can find above the header on my site (while you’re there check out the updated television page).

While I’m not yet at the level of blogging that I’m striving for, I feel like I’m starting to get the response I was looking for when I started blogging 2 years ago. With 1 year on WordPress and 10 months of consistent (4 days a week) posting, I’m so excited to see this space grow into what I have envisioned, and I have my handful of readers to thank for this growth.

I know a small handful of people who follow my blog, but I can see from my stats that there are more of you, and not everyone is coming by mistake. If I don’t know you personally and you’ve become a follower I’m so grateful. I’m glad for each and every comment, and reference that I can see in the numbers. I’ll welcome old hats and newcomers alike to leave a comment letting me know how you found my blog and I can’t wait to see the ways that this space will grow in the coming months and years.

*I used Alexandra Fragen’s “Great I AM worksheet” to help figure out what I wanted out of my about page.  She’s pretty awesome and is a great resource for people who are trying to define themselves and their work.

This Will Be June 2013 Edition

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June is the real official start on summer in my mind. Until college I had never gotten out of school until mid-june, so to me this is where summer begins. In the past few years summer has been travel and bits of school. There are no big travel plans for this years so far, but I do have a few goals in mind for this month.

I have been thinking about what I want this space to be and I would like to pull this online home together a bit more. This will start with a new ‘About’ page coming soon, and I hope to continue with more focused content. My goal is that I can pull this together a bit more by the end of the month.

I would also like to shoot, edit, and upload two vlogs. See my first one here, and subscribe to my channel here. I kind of love vlogging, but am working on building it into something that I’m more ready to share with the world.

I’ve also been doing what I’ll call micro-planning lately. Basically this means that before I go to bed at night I’ll look at my callendar and decide what I want to do the next day and schedule when I want to do those things. It’s been a great system so far, and it’s made me much more conscious of what I am doing with my time. I hope to continue planning as the month goes on, and ingrain it as a habit. It’s a good thing to be reminded of and I think helps me get more things done.

To be honest, there is only one thing that properly NEEDS to happen this month. I need to move to LA.  I don’t really have a plan for this yet and am just starting to feel the pressure to find a place to go.  My prayer:

Dear Lord, I need somewhere to live in LA. It can be a place for the summer, or a place for longer. It can be a place by myself or a place with a roommate. You know the exact place you want me to be, and it’s perfect for what I need right now.  Show me how to find it. Amen.

What are you all planning for this month?

Writing About Writing (week of May 27)

Monday: journal (2)
blog – WAW
Tuesday:journal (2)
blog – Seattle in Pictures
blog – This Has Been
blog – To my Children
Wednesday: journal (2)
notes on superheroes
Thursday: journal (1)
Friday: journal (2)
blog – About Me
Saturday: blog – Will Be
Sunday: journal (1)
blog – this post

Last week felt good.  Busy.  I started to plan more meticulously what I wanted to do for the day, which was really good for keeping track of where my time went.  Makes it a lot harder to justify spending the majority of the day on Tumblr.  I did a lot of what I’ll call “thinking” writing that I suppose could also be called brainstorming.  I spent some time figuring out what I want from this blog and coming up with ideas of how to get it, so I’m excited for the future.

This space has been a place to record what I’ll call consciously productive writing, but I’ve also been doing a bit of not-recorded writing though a prayer journal I keep.  I haven’t recorded it because I’m not sure how to.  Generally I don’t even keep track of how long I’m writing/praying, and since any writing I do is spread over multiple categories in different sections I don’t quite know how to quantify it.  If I was to estimate I would say I write about 100-200 words a day in my prayer journal.
On that note, if there is any way I can pray for you, I would love to.  Leave me a note in the comments or send me an email at morethanexist [at] gmail.com.

This week I’d like to spend some time developing those ideas further and working on some blog content to go with it.  I’m also going to start looking at internships and volunteer opportunities in the fall which will likely include some time spent with my resume and writing cover letters.  We’ll see how it goes.

This Has Been May 2013 Edition

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Just as I suspected, this month was very much a rehashing of the beginning of this year. Time spent at home alternating between blogging, watching Netflix, reading books from the library, and not quite knowing what to do with myself. Okay, there was a little more happening overall, but in general that’s what it felt like.

Probably the most exciting thing this month was a short trip to Seattle to visit my friend Allason. We hung out at sculpture gardens, went to the massive REI while on our way to a fancy film festival party (because we’re classy like that), and got to spend some time with another friend of ours. Of course this trip also included late night life decision discussions, accidentally weeding our friend’s backyard garden for two hours, and a very delayed flight. Overall a highly successful weekend.

I also got a chance to hang out with a bunch of old high school friends. Some I went for lunch or rock climbing with, others I met up with for a beach bonfire… which turned into hanging out in the mission after the wind started to get to us. It’s been great to see old friends and catch up on what’s happening with everyone. Some I’ve been keeping up with, others I was surprised by in the best sense. It’s weird to be in a group and slowly discover that I’m the only single gal in the group. How’d that happen? Craziness.

I did manage to get myself together enough to get a motorcycle permit and then to sign up for and take a motorcycle safety course, which I completed last weekend. I will be getting a certificate in the mail withing a week or so and then I can take it to the DMV and they will send me a motorcycle license in the mail. Magic.

For the moment I’ve abandoned my original script projects. I need to find a way to habituate writing and especially writing on stories and ideas. I’ve gotten blogging for the most part, but I need to find a way to consistently work on original stories. For now I’m trying not to beat myself up over it. I am still interested in the ideas and may return to them, but right now they’re not working. (Perhaps I need to find a writing mentor?)

While my story-writing fell through, I’ve been happy with my blog writing. I’m working on some bigger ideas and coming up with some concepts for what I want a redesign to look like. I also posted my first vlog. You can check out my channel here and if you like it subscribe! I’m not sure yet what my initial posting schedule is going to be, but down the line I’d like to put up one video a week.

On the entertainment front I finished The Good Guys and hemmed and hawed for a while deciding to watch Fringe next (other options included Chuck, JAG, and a West Wing re-watch). I finally got around to watching The Cabin in the Woods (review to come), and I’m so glad I did. I’ve also been reading a lot. I just finished Eat Pray Love and am working my way through a few others at once. I’ve made myself an account on Goodreads to keep track of my reading habits. I think I may have accidentally invited my entire Facebook friend list. Sorry guys!  If you’re a member we should be friends.

What have you guys been up to this month?