Ch-Ch-Changes

I’ve been struggling to blog lately. There are many reasons for this, the main one being that I finally got a job. I’m a receptionist at a small production/distribution company and I’m excited about it and what it could become. I’m glad to be employed, but I know that a job taking up my time isn’t the reason I’ve been quiet around here lately. Even before I got the “You’re hired” phone call I had been having troubles putting my thoughts into posts.

It’s frustrating to me that I can’t seem to express myself in the same way that I used to. For the past month or so I’ve written multiple blog posts that have never seen the light of day. I kept trying to be timely and failing. I wrote posts about the How I Met Your Mother finale, the Divergent movie, and Captain America: The Winter Solider. I have so many thoughts on these things, but I can’t seem to articulate them well enough to feel confident in hitting publish.

I want to talk at length about how much I adore Shailene Woodley’s hippie-ness. I want to have deep discussions about the Marvel cinematic universe. What the last few films will mean for the next ones. How they are tying the movies into Agent’s of SHIELD. How SHIELD is finally starting to pull on my heartstrings. But I can’t seem to come up with the words.

Even beyond media I never got around to writing up a post about my writing goals for this quarter. I’m sure if/how they change in balance with working full time, but I can’t even seem to outline it for myself. Using my phone alarms to be on time, a new planner, how I’m dealing with buying a car; all things I’ve written on our thought about writing on, but haven’t gotten out the way I want to.

My frustrations are because I know that I’m not where I want to be. I know I could be doing better. But I’ve lost track of how to do it. So I want to say that I’m not putting any pressure on myself to write, but I’m starting to see that route is going to get me NOWHERE, so it’s time to rethink.

It’s time to plan and organize and figure out what’s reasonable within my new schedule and current commitments. I don’t know the answer yet, but this post it a declaration that I’m going to try. I love my job, but I know that I want to do more with myself than just get by, it’s not going to be easy, but I know I’ll be better for it.

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One Little Word: Planning Freedom

Like I mentioned in my last post about my word for the year, I’ve split the year into four so that I will be working on focused goals over the period of three months. I’ve already determined how I want to frame each season, even if I haven’t quite figured out all the details how these frames lead to goals.

Planning Freedom

January to March is about Planning Freedom. Not only will I be spending a lot of time in January planning my larger goals for the year and how to achieve them, but some of my goals have to do with planning as well. I’m breaking it into three main goals that I’d like to acomplish by the end of March.

Finding employment

Obviously it would be ideal if I am able to find an industry job within this time, and I am hopeful about doing so, but I’m also aware that it could take longer than this. Regardless, I would like to have some type of either full time or part time employment by March. If not an industry job, then certainly a part time job to give myself some structure while I spend more time searching.

Blog Re-Vap

This is something I’ve been meaning to do for a while, and since I don’t have a hard schedule right now, this is an ideal time to focus on it. I want to get a new layout, either by purchasing one and installing it myself, or through a designer. I especially want to get my own domain name and transfer everything to my own .com space.

Creating and Sticking to Good Habits

Another long-time goal of mine that I’ve already started to implement. I’d like to get some sort of rhythm going that can easily be continued once I’ve found something full time. Getting up on time, incorporating exercise and movement into my week, and cleaning my apartment more regularly.

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Hopefully, by working on these thing through the coming months I’ll be able to come back at the end of March and show off a handful of successes. I’m excited to be putting these things down on paper and solidly defining what I want to work on.

What are you working on this month?

Hitting Hard

Not even two weeks in and this semester is hitting me hard. I knew it would. I knew weeks ago that it would, but I’m somehow still surprised. I am working all day and have somewhere to be almost every night this week. Every night in fact, if I’d like.

I’m excited for this semester, and for the opportunities it is bringing, but I can also see that I’m going to have to give myself a bit of a break. I’m going to need to be kind to myself when school and interning come before other things. Which I’m thinking will be often. Or at least… more often than I’d like.

Looking at my schedule and the responsibilities I have. The ones I’ve committed to for others, and the ones I’m committing to for myself. I’m deciding what takes precedence and what I’ll allow to fall away. It breaks my heart, but this blog is one of the ones that I’m going to have to allow to fall.

Lately I’ve been falling behind; scheduling posts to day they’re going live, skipping days, and half-assing my social media output. And I hate that I’m doing that. Even though I don’t think I’ve ever made any outright statements saying what my posting schedule is, I’ve been consistently posting four times a week for a year straight. Unfortunately, this space can no longer be my top priority. I enjoy blogging and I love the feedback I get (even though it’s small), but I have to allow myself to not worry about it anymore.

This doesn’t mean I won’t still be posting. It will just be more haphazard. I’m going to stop beating myself up over missed days. I’m going to work on balancing my school and intern schedule with other commitments I’ve made to friends and to my church community. Because, while I value my online connections, I value my in-person connections more.

If you’d like to stay connected, please feel free to reach out on Twitter or friend me on Facebook, I don’t think I know how to quit those. For now though, I’m relaxing my blog posting, and focusing on living.

A Letter to My Future Self

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This time last year I was in such a different place that I can barely even picture myself. I had a normal, college schedule. I was working for Frequency TV and starting to plan out the semester’s worth of web series episodes. I was filling out applications for study abroad. I was spending long nights in with television and long Sundays with friends from church. I suppose some things don’t change.

Since my life right now would be hardly recognizable by my former self, I want to preserve where I’m at for my future self to remember better. I suppose this is a letter to myself in a way. A letter to my future self so that I can remember where I was and look back to see how far I’ve come a year from now. Perhaps more.

Dear Future Self,

This week in the first week of school. School is a loose interpretation of what’s started this week after labor day, the week after Terra Nova (was it as good the second time?). This week you started two internships in Hollywood and Beverly Hills.

The Hollywood office feels official and real. The Beverly Hills office feels glamorous and exotic simply because of it’s location. This is your life. You are really working, really living, and really existing in part in this industry. And I hope that’s still true. Plans for these two internships include working hard and finishing my final semester strong.

Meanwhile, you’ve also been starting to meet with your old class – Drama writing, SiLA – weekly. Not that you’ve got anything to show for yourself yet, but it’s a work in process. Writing hasn’t been coming easily lately, but you’re hoping that a more solid schedule with school will help that along. Or it will hinder it, it’s hard to know right yet.

You’ve been blogging fairly consistently for the past year. It’s been a great system without really putting much of a system in place at all. July and August were harder months, but you seem to be back for September…. for the most part.

Every day is a choice to either write or not write. Unfortunately, lately the choice has been not. It’s not that you don’t want to, it’s just a choice that you seem to be making unconsciously. Focus. I believe that it can happen and that means that you much believe too. Pray about it. Never stop praying.

Speaking of prayer, this month you are set to join the church you’ve been going to in LA. You’ve been going to MOSAIC since Easter, and from then to now you’ve joined two community groups (one neighborhood, one college), gone on two retreats (SHE retreat and Terra Nova), and have been attending the early evening service and the mid-week service. They’ve just begun a weekly Wednesday gathering.

The community there is fantastic. Lean on them when you’re uncertain. Grow into those relationships. I hope you have already, but always lean in. Lean into your MOSAIC community and the old Columbia friends in whatever way possible. Go play Ultimate Frisbee. Because you haven’t been to a yoga class since you left San Francisco and it’s starting to show. Because what you really need is a good session at the climbing gym, but no one seems interested. Because living alone can be great, but also isolating.

In fact, I don’t even know that you live alone still. You do now. With a tiny studio apartment and no air conditioning. It’s a love/hate thing. Perhaps you are settled now into a house with four roommates. An apartment with one. Or still the same, ever the same. Whatever it is, right now you are living alone and for the most part that is a good thing. All the mess is yours and there’s no one to tell you to clean it.

You have been using a scooter to get around. It’s a wonderful thing. The time that’s lost in speed (not much) is gained back by squeezing between cars while they wait at a stop light. Your scooter seems a bit rickety sometimes, but it gets the job done. Once or twice a week you park it at the pump closest to the convenience store, pay two dollars in cash, and fill the entire tank. You don’t think that will ever get old.

I hope you are still living, working, and thriving in Los Angeles.  It wasn’t quite what you had been imagining, but it seems that God’s imagination is better than yours.  Go where he leads you, always say in reply, “Here I am Lord, send me.”

Here is what you were, and here’s to whatever you’ve become.

Much love, and God Bless,
Your Former Self

This Has Been: August 2013

I can’t remember the last time I was so productive during the month of August. Really. It’s been a long time. Usually August is just a throwaway month, but this year it’s been fantastic. And hot, but like I said the other day, I’m dealing with it. A few favorites from this month:

The beginning of the apartment tour
I got and lost a kitten
I talked about how second screening is awesome
A summary of summer
My TV list for the summer

Now, to tackle my crazy long to do list for August. I’m glad to say that I did pretty much all get everything done, and then some. Besides the planned things, I also got a fantastic new haircut, hosted my sister and one of my best friends, and started to keep much better track of my finances then I ever have before.

The big two, the ones that really needed doing were getting myself a mode of transportation and an internship, both of which I now have. I got a scooter mid-way through the month, and as of Monday this week it’s registered in my name. I’m going to hold off on information about my internship, but I do have one and will be starting next week when the school semester officially begins. I also have a lead on a second, but I’m still waiting to see how that pans out.

I got started on all the things I wanted to this month, some of them wont fully pan out until next month. For example, the writers group I started is full of people who went out of town for the last week or so. We met a few times, but we’ll kick off once everyone gets back with a writer’s lock-in. I set up a facebook group for a camping trip and in talking to people who want to go we decided to wait until it’s a bit cooler in September. I also attended all the sessions to become a member of the church I’ve been attending, but wont be confirmed until next month.

I’m going to call both networking and yoga studio finding a draw. I went to a few networking events, but not a ton. I mostly networked and grew friendships that already exist. I kept my eyes peeled for yoga studios and found a few that I wanted to try, but didn’t get the chance to actually try them. Not a complete failure, but not quite what I had in mind.

Overall I’m really happy with how things went this month, and I’m even more excited to get started on next month, but that’s a post I’ll leave till next week.

How was your August?  Anything exciting happen?

This Has Been: January Edition

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January has been an odd month, like I knew it would be.  I spent most of it working on various things, and playing around with social media and watching YouTube videos, which I classified under “work” though maybe I shouldn’t.  While I’m happy with what I did get done, I’m disappointed in what I did not get done.

While I am an introvert (and these days thank goodness), I work better when I have someone to bounce ideas off of.  I can strengthen and clarify my ideas and then go into working on the with some degree of certainty that they will pan out.  I’m having trouble starting totally on my own.  A writers group would be fantastic for this purpose, but I don’t have one and can’t seem to find one.

If writing was a win-lose this month, blogging was simply a win.  I was able to keep up with posts with minimal slip ups, and I’ve got a bit of an editorial calendar ready for February.

And the other goals of the month?

  • Making dinner weekly.  Check.
  • Meeting new people.  Nope.  Though, I did sign up for a small group and will be going to a meeting tonight.
  • Workout twice a week. Mostly.  I’ve gone climbing or yogaing each once a week except for last week when I was sick.
  • Museums.  Yes and no.  I went to one, and it was outside the city, but I’ll call this one a fail.
  • Blog revamp.  Still no.

Also this month I got new glasses and some new clothes.  Mom and I are working on getting me something of a professional outfits to speak of.  I started searching for housing in LA, and watched a host of web series and an entire season of Leverage (I’m going to be watching their fan chat tomorrow!).

This Will Be: December Edition

December is a month of finishing.  This month I am finishing the semester (and only just realizing how much needs to be done).  I’m packing up my short-lived apartment and putting all my things in storage.  I can’t help but feel that I am finishing a phase of my life that I wont return to again.

Having finished the majority of my work last month gives me the freedom to devote all my extra time to finishing out the semester strong.  I’m working on a TV show bible, a cookbook compiled by season, a marketing event, and two presentations.  I’m going to be a busy bee for the next few weeks.

And the buck doesn’t stop there.  As soon as the semester is over I will be packing up and moving on out.  I have no idea how I’m going to get it all done. I think my mom is going to be coming to help me move out, something I’m immensely grateful for.

Followed quickly on those heels is the Christmas holiday and all the preparations and festivities that are involved with that.  Never mind that I have no clue where I’m going or what the plan is for beyond the winter break.  All this uncertainty can make a girl anxious.

My hope for the month is definitely that I will be able to keep calm a midst all the crazy that is sure to come.  I have a few crafty/bloggy/photoy thoughts in mind as well, if only to help relieve some of the stress that this month is sure to bring.

This Will Be: November Edition

It’s amazing to me that we are already in November.  Also slightly terrifying because I’m just now thinking about how I don’t remember what my goals were at the beginning of the year.  Did I even set goals?  I should probably see how I’m doing on those things.

Anyway, November is time to pull out the crazy hats and wear reckless amounts of layers.  Lots of family time as I am visiting my sister early in the month, as well as going home for Thanksgiving (favorite holiday ever!!!).  I’ll be busy with work and school as well, though my show at work will be winding down this month.  And this little blog here will be chugging along as always.

Without me even trying, the month seems to have filled up surprisingly quickly.  This month school will finally eclipse work in priorities.  Which is probably the way it should be to begin with, but hadn’t been in October.  I have a pilot to write, an event to market, and a cookbook to compile.  I am excited for the projects I have in the works, but slightly nervous that I am already falling behind.

November is going to be a month of family.  I go to visit my sister next weekend which will likely involve shopping.  There are already plans in the works for my Aunt and Uncle to come into the city for lunch in the coming weeks.  This year, I am also going home for Thanksgiving.  You guys.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever!  I’m so excited!

Overall, November is shaping up to be a really exciting month on all fronts.  I can’t wait to get started.

Morning People

I know better than to say that I am a morning person.  Claim that I’m a morning person and I’ll likely be told by multiple people throughout the rest of the week that they saw this and they know it’s a lie.  But, I know that I do my most focused work before lunchtime.  Mornings and evenings (which isn’t to say I can’t do work in between, it’s just harder for me to concentrate).

Because I know this I try to schedule time to work on things in the mornings so that by lunchtime I can take a break.  This way even if I get nothing done for the rest of the day at least I’ll have been a bit productive in the morning.  Gotten done my small handful of things.

The problem with working in the morning — at least in college —  is that no one else is ever awake to answer questions as you have them.  You have to file things away so that you can call people later.  This was especially problematic last week while I was trying to put together scripts at 10 am (not crazy early if I may point out) and the whole business was quite dependent on guests responding to me.

What’s a girl to do?  Well, for the most part I just try to get things that require other people’s responses done in the evening time slot.  That works.  Sometimes.

On Priorities

Oh where oh where have my priorities gone?  Oh where oh where could they be?  When I set out at the beginning of the semester I had decided that my priorities were going to be blogging and work.  This has stayed relativity the same.  What I forgot to prioritize was planning for next semester.

It’s always been the plan (basically since I was a freshman) to go and study abroad the spring of my third (junior) year.  Always been the plan.  I was going to study abroad in the spring and then get myself an internship in England for the summer.  And, you know, if anyone offered me a job while I was there I would probably wind up living there forever.

According to this timeline I should be planning and organizing this throughout this semester.  Which would be fine except that it continually was pushed to the back burner as blogging and work took the top priority.  It took a kick in the pants from Emma, my old roommate to get me started on this plan.  Or lack of plan if you prefer.  Personally I prefer lack of a plan, because I feel it more accurately describes where I’m at right now.  See, the deadline for a lot of these programs was yesterday.

Whoops.

So, while things don’t seem to be falling into place quite yet I am working on it which is much better than it was this time last week.  I’ll send out my nets and see what comes back.  Hopefully some cool stuff, maybe some random stuff, but definitely stuff I’ll be interested in for the next semester/summer.  Don’t worry, I’ll tell you once I have my life figured out internet, as you will be coming with me in some form wherever I go.